2 months

James and Elizabeth celebrated their 2 month birthday on Wednesday (and nine weeks today). Wow! It's been a really fast two months. I can't believe how much they're growing. Just look at those chubby cheeks, especially on James. I'm pretty sure he weighs more than Elizabeth now. And they're smiling and laughing and making little baby coos. So sweet it melts my heart every time. I know they are our 4th and 5th children, but it is just as magical to see them smile and grow as it was with our others. And since there are two of them, I get double the smiles these days. (We'll pretend like I don't get double the cries or diapers for a few minutes!) We are absolutely in love with these great little people. I can't believe how blessed I am to be their mom.

Post Baby Body Struggle

Let me start by saying I love my children. I love that I have been able to be pregnant and physically carry them and birth them and nurse them. I wouldn't trade that for anything. It truly has been my lifelong dream. I realize that there are women who would love to have that opportunity and haven't been able to be pregnant.

I am, however, in the 8-week postpartum "so this is what happened to my body?" phase. It's rough.  It's something I struggle with. I think most women struggle with their weight and body image, regardless of pregnancy and childbirth. And then you throw in stretch marks, pregnancy weight gain, and other physical changes and it is very easy to focus on that.

I have struggled with this really since my first pregnancy. Prior to that, I had been skinny my whole life. You know, that kind of girl who could eat anything she wanted and still weigh 110 lbs. That was me. Sadly, I took pride in that. It was part of my identity. Who I was. And then God started giving us children and that is no longer me. In my mind I like to think I'm still that skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants but that's not true.

I've tried for the past few years to "be really good"--you know exercise more, eat healthier, things like that. But I keep coming back to the same struggle with food and my weight and my appearance. Because really the behaviors aren't the issue. It's my heart.  Why do I want the baby weight gone? Is it so I can still find my identity as that skinny girl? So people will be impressed with how quickly I lost the baby weight? So I can be prideful about it? So I don't have to show self control in this area of my life?

Or do I want it so that I can be strong and healthy to care for my family? To treat my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit? to be prepared to do the good works God has for me to do? I've been memorizing 2 Timothy 2: 20-21, praying that God will change the motives of my heart. That I will desire to be an instrument of special use, made holy, useful to Him, and ready to do his good works. That's what I should desire with my body.

That's the only thing that is going to create a change in my behaviors and choices in this area. And maybe with that I'll lose the baby weight and look more like I used to. Maybe I won't. I'd like to say that it doesn't matter, but I'm not there yet. God is still working on me. Still sanctifying me and teaching me to honor Him with my body. I was bought at a price, after all. My body is not my own. 

Here are some resources and encouragement in this area:

This book, Every Body Matters, by Gary Thomas is the best I have read about our heart and motives for caring for our body. I highly recommend it.

Here's a link to a blog post that is one of the most honest and real and truthful expressions I've seen about this struggle: Part 1 and Part 2

And here's my friend Brooke's perspective on the aftermath of 8 babies

I hope that this may encourage you on a topic that can be difficult for so many women. It truly is worth it to have these precious babies and allow God to use the body He created and gave me. And I'm pretty sure He's going to give moms really awesome bodies in heaven!

8 weeks today

These sweet babies are 8 weeks old today. Whew...it's been a busy 8 weeks. Most days I feel like I am sprinting a marathon. Running as fast as I can in a never-ending race. But after 8 weeks, it usually seems that some of the newborn newness and irregularities start to become a little more routine and predictable and life starts to flow a little easier for everyone. 

This week did start to seem a little bit easier with them in some ways. They have been napping fairly well and consistently in their cribs. We also moved them upstairs to start sleeping in their own cribs at night. I initially resisted this idea but Jay suggested we try it to see if it would help James stop fussing and whining from 8-12 every night. And it did help. He hasn't completely stopped, but it has been much better. I think he knows when I'm in the room and he expects me to hold, cuddle, and nurse him nonstop during those hours. Once the babies are asleep, they've been going longer stretches of sleep. Usually still 5 hours at a time, but two nights ago they made it almost a 7 hour stretch. And I slept from 10pm-4:45am. That's by far the longest stretch of sleep I've had since about January. I felt like a new woman at 5am and went outside to exercise after I fed those babies!!

The babies are growing so quickly. James's little cheeks seems to get chubbier every day. Elizabeth is getting longer by the minute. They make sweet little smiles and coos, especially James. Mr. Grumpy is also the one who smiles the most. He is very expressive, whether happy or sad, and lets you know exactly how he feels. Elizabeth is still a little more even-tempered and really only fusses if she's hungry or tired. If you feed her, she's happy. If she's tired, I put her in her crib and she falls right to sleep. Sweet babies.

And while I've never really used the boppy pillow for nursing, it has been handy for propping up a baby while I'm helping the other one.

Will took these last two pictures. He and Anna were having a photo shoot. You should have heard him giving Anna instructions about how to lay beside the babies and smile. So funny. This is what we do while Catherine is at school :)

First Day!

Catherine had her first day of first grade yesterday!

I still can't believe she's old enough to be in first grade but I'm trying not to dwell on that. Everyone keeps asking how I'm doing about sending her to school. Honestly, if I slow down and think about it, it makes me a little sad. I really love the innocence and simplicity of preschool and little years and I don't want to think about her growing up too quickly. But I am so busy that I really haven't had much time to slow down and think about it. I didn't even cry yesterday!

I know she will do great this year. She loves school and reading and math and art. She is made for the school setting and I know she will thrive. It is an adjustment for all of us for her to be gone during the day and for us to figure out getting her to and from school. Right now Jay's parents, Jay, and I are alternating who is taking her in the mornings so that I don't have to load all 5 kids into the car every morning at 7:30, especially on the days that I'll take Will to preschool at 8:30. She is going to start riding the bus home (hopefully next week) because I can't figure out a way to spend 45 mins sitting in the car line every afternoon while Anna and the babies need naps. We're still working all of that out.

Here's the cutie pie heading out for her first day. She really really loves her new backpack and lunchbox.

She is very excited about her teacher, Mrs. Huguet. We have heard wonderful things about her teacher and are expecting a great year. Catherine is part of the Learning Community at her school, which is a group of 1st-5th grade classes that can move students around for reading and math based on their skill level. They also do a lot of project-based learning for social studies and science. We think this will be a really good fit for her to keep her challenged.

Overall she had a great first day. She met some new friends and got to sit beside the two girls in her class that she already knew (one from dance and one from preschool). She said she did not like lunch because it was too busy and rushed. And she did not like waiting in the car line. She was very tired by the end of the day!

We made cookies once she got home to celebrate her first day. Here we go Catherine! You're growing up!!

We went on vacation---sort of

Last week we went to the beach with the Hatten family. It was a vacation--sort of. We did get to see the ocean but it was far from a relaxing week! Here's a quick breakdown of the highlights:

On Saturday when we got there the air conditioner upstairs was broken. It was a solid 92 degrees up there. The technician didn't get there until 9:30pm to work on it. By then, I pulled out blankets for the big 3 kids to sleep on Steve and Marcy's floor, the babies and I were in a small room with a single pullout loveseat, and Jay was on the couch in the living room. To fix the air conditioner, the guy had to hotwire something together and the air conditioner would not turn off the rest of the week!

On Sunday while doing laundry, the washing machine started to smoke. The new washing machine wasn't installed until Tuesday, at which point we were all down to our last set of clothes and underwear that were not dirty from the ocean or covered in spit up.

When you take two 5-week olds to the beach you pretty much plan to stay inside with them the whole time. There were a few times I got outside with the big kids for an hour or so, but it took a lot of coordination from 3 or 4 adults to arrange it. 

It rained a lot this time. Some thunderstorms and some times of just pure rain, which is unusual for August. That did make it a lot cooler than normal but left some children upset about wanting to play outside at the beach. On the rainiest day Jay and the other adults took all the big kids to the aquarium while I went to visit my friend Deborah. 

On Thursday morning Jay got sick with a stomach virus. He was in bed all day and missed playing golf with his dad and Andy. By Thursday night, Will was throwing up. Not a highlight for sure....

On Friday things seemed a little more normal. Jay and Will were feeling better so we all ventured out for lunch--the only time all of us went to a restaurant the whole week. We did have a fun time with everyone playing in the ocean on Friday afternoon.

On Saturday we headed home and got stuck on I-26 in the rain. Melissa and Andy's 12 hour drive to Pennsylvania turned into a 15 hour drive with a 2 yr old.

On Sunday night after we got home, I got the stomach virus and was sick all day Monday.

I think the only time Jay and I had a real conversation with each other was in the car ride down there and back. Otherwise, all of our conversations revolved around who was caring for which child/children at what time and where.  Jay's favorite new saying: "Eventually we will have fun on vacation, right??" We figure this will be one of our hardest years to take everyone to the beach (or anywhere for that matter). 

And we did have fun. It wasn't all bad. Just not relaxing!!!

So all that being said, here are a few pics of our adventures:

Playing in the ocean. The kids really did love jumping and swimming and splashing in the ocean this time. Especially Marshall! That boy will just dive in face first. 

The kids loved playing "band" with Marshall. He can sing and play music and dance with the best of them. I foresee a strong musical career in his future.

Catherine got her face painted at the aquarium. Such a pretty design with her blue eyes.

The babies were happy to have extra arms to hold them.

On the day Jay was sick in bed, I hooked up a sprinkler we brought so that the kids could play outside and I could stay close to the babies.  Marshall thought it was a nice water fountain! And look how white he turns when you put sunscreen on him :)

On Friday we attempted to get some group shots of everyone.

The grandkids: Catherine (age 6), Elizabeth (6 weeks), Marshall (age 2), Anna (age 2), Will (age 4), James (6 weeks)

The Derr family:

 Mimi and PopPop

 The Jay Hatten family: our first family photo as a family of seven! We may never have a family photo with everyone looking the same direction again.

 The whole Hatten family!

 Will loved playing golf outside with daddy

 And he loved running to the beach

 Marshall loved loved loved the water.

The kids liked burying my feet in the sand

 Sweet Elizabeth

 Sweet James

 More beach fun and sweet kids:

 Anna loves Marshall. They're our other set of twins since they're the same age!

 Marshall's favorite place to play was behind the curtain. If you couldn't find him, you may just see his feet sticking out and he would be sitting back there hanging out.

 Sometimes he would find a few other people to hang out behind the curtain with him!

We did have a good trip and enjoyed being together with our family.  But we may need a vacation after this vacation!!