Post Baby Body Struggle

Let me start by saying I love my children. I love that I have been able to be pregnant and physically carry them and birth them and nurse them. I wouldn't trade that for anything. It truly has been my lifelong dream. I realize that there are women who would love to have that opportunity and haven't been able to be pregnant.

I am, however, in the 8-week postpartum "so this is what happened to my body?" phase. It's rough.  It's something I struggle with. I think most women struggle with their weight and body image, regardless of pregnancy and childbirth. And then you throw in stretch marks, pregnancy weight gain, and other physical changes and it is very easy to focus on that.

I have struggled with this really since my first pregnancy. Prior to that, I had been skinny my whole life. You know, that kind of girl who could eat anything she wanted and still weigh 110 lbs. That was me. Sadly, I took pride in that. It was part of my identity. Who I was. And then God started giving us children and that is no longer me. In my mind I like to think I'm still that skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants but that's not true.

I've tried for the past few years to "be really good"--you know exercise more, eat healthier, things like that. But I keep coming back to the same struggle with food and my weight and my appearance. Because really the behaviors aren't the issue. It's my heart.  Why do I want the baby weight gone? Is it so I can still find my identity as that skinny girl? So people will be impressed with how quickly I lost the baby weight? So I can be prideful about it? So I don't have to show self control in this area of my life?

Or do I want it so that I can be strong and healthy to care for my family? To treat my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit? to be prepared to do the good works God has for me to do? I've been memorizing 2 Timothy 2: 20-21, praying that God will change the motives of my heart. That I will desire to be an instrument of special use, made holy, useful to Him, and ready to do his good works. That's what I should desire with my body.

That's the only thing that is going to create a change in my behaviors and choices in this area. And maybe with that I'll lose the baby weight and look more like I used to. Maybe I won't. I'd like to say that it doesn't matter, but I'm not there yet. God is still working on me. Still sanctifying me and teaching me to honor Him with my body. I was bought at a price, after all. My body is not my own. 

Here are some resources and encouragement in this area:

This book, Every Body Matters, by Gary Thomas is the best I have read about our heart and motives for caring for our body. I highly recommend it.

Here's a link to a blog post that is one of the most honest and real and truthful expressions I've seen about this struggle: Part 1 and Part 2

And here's my friend Brooke's perspective on the aftermath of 8 babies

I hope that this may encourage you on a topic that can be difficult for so many women. It truly is worth it to have these precious babies and allow God to use the body He created and gave me. And I'm pretty sure He's going to give moms really awesome bodies in heaven!